Dog Biscuits and Deli Meat and Please Like Me, Hayate
by myrhymesarepurer
Summary: Brotherhood, East City / "Riza Hawkeye loved that dog than he'd ever seen her love anything. It was absurd, though. Roy Mustang was kind of becoming. . . jealous." / Roy bribes Hayate to try to get in Riza's good favor / Royai


_Leave a **"Love Me"** in my ask, and I'll write a fluffy drabble about two (or more) characters. Leave a **"Enamor** **Me"** in my ask, and I will write a fluffy drabble characters trying to woo one another._

This one comes from the-river-and-the-fire request on tumblr. This is ridiculously sappy, so so sappy. It might be typical. Not even sure if it's necessarily "woo-ing." **But, let's just have fun, okay? Okay.**

* * *

Riza Hawkeye _loved_ that dog.

She loved that dog more than he'd  
ever seen her love anything.

It was absurd, though.  
Roy Mustang was kind of becoming  
a tad  
a tiny bit,  
just a touch,  
 _jealous._

Riza's life had been woven  
with Roy's since childhood.

They grew up together.  
They'd been through hell together.  
They chose to stay together.

For the sake of their dreams,  
their friends, their country,  
themselves. All that.

He felt like their bond was _fantastically_ more substantial  
than anything she could develop with some new mutt.

Yet, Riza's connection with Black Hayate,  
from the very start, was somehow  
 _profound._

And, we're talking about a _dog_ here.

It was petty, but Roy was certain  
that it just wasn't fair.

However, Roy Mustang was clever,  
strategic, a seasoned political player.

He did not obtain the rank of Colonel  
with just a hardy heap of luck.

He was praised as a genius.  
But, this strategy was a simple one.

Roy knew what he had to do.

Keep your friends close.  
Keep your enemies closer.

Or rather, keep your _Lieutenant's dog_ closer.

Not to mention, most traditionally,  
if a man wanted to gain significant favor with a woman,  
he needed to gain favor with her parents, her guardians.

Eliminate the most protective barrier, the possibility  
of advised doubt in who their heart had selected,  
who they decided to follow.

If a man wanted to gain favor with Riza Hawkeye,  
well, she had lost her mother, she had lost her father,

you'd have to impress  
her puppy.

Inarguably juvenile jealousy aside,  
Roy Mustang needed Riza Hawkeye's favor  
for so many more reasons than one.

Most recently, he was severely,  
tragically, most characteristically  
behind on deadlines.

Roy dangled a piece of deli meat in front of the puppy's nose.  
Hayate sniffed but refused to bite. He just stared at Roy, wary.

" _Come on_ ," he nearly pleaded, "You're my only chance, dog,"

Roy could tell Hayate was undecided,  
not too sure if he really preferred Colonel Mustang.

He could certainly sense his Master's loyalty, respect, subtle affection  
around this man, but all of that was overpowered  
by a far greater amount of stress.

The pup inched away from his desk.  
Roy cursed under his breath.

The Lieutenant left the Colonel to watch her dog during the lunch hour,  
while she tended to a pressing matter in the clerk's office,  
probably about those deadlines.

Oh yes.  
He was in big trouble.

Roy needed the brownie points, and fast.  
He needed to get this blasted dog to like him.

Roy grabbed a fresh piece of meat from the pack.

He'd left early this morning to buy it.  
He had offered to watch the little fuzz ball.

He was dedicated.

Roy Mustang was going to defeat  
this ornery, stubborn, _impossible_ little pup.

Seemed the dog was quite the match  
for his owner, Roy thought.

" _Please_."

He waved the meat,  
reached out his fingers,  
willing Hayate to come closer.

Roy opted for a dog biscuit,  
switching his tactic.

Hayate seemed more interested.  
He scooched up just a tad.

" _Yes!_ " Roy grinned. Score.  
"See, we can be friends."

The pup inched even closer, stared up at Roy  
with big black eyes and waited for something.

 _Goof grief._ What else could he want?  
Roy nudged the biscuit desperately,

"You must be a good dog." He sighed,  
nearly throwing in the towel, "She needs you."

His Lieutenant most desperately needed the hope and peace  
that came with loving something she could freely love back.

He was glad she'd found Hayate,  
even if the mutt sat higher than him  
on the totem pole.

Hayate's tail suddenly started wagging.

Utter flattery, Roy found.  
Black Hayate had waited for Roy to groom his ego.

Clever pooch.

Hayate gave a pup-like grin, took the biscuit,  
and licked the crumbs off the Colonel's fingers.

"Finally," the Colonel beamed.

Riza loved that dog  
for his comfort,  
and kindness,  
and purity  
his unconditional love.

Hayate didn't care about her past.  
Hayate cared about the present.

Yet, most of all, Black Hayate cared about _treats_.

He would never be obedient, proper,  
and well behaved if the Colonel kept this up.

This was the third time this week.

"You're spoiling him, Sir,"

Riza said straight as she re-entered the office.  
Roy didn't even look up. He let Hayate lick his fingers clean,  
before the dog leaned in and let Roy stroke his fur.

Victory.

"Incorrect," Roy responded truthfully. "I'm bribing him."  
Riza sighed, exasperated, "Why, Colonel?"

Roy found her leaning on his desk,  
completely worn down,

no doubt from cleaning up his mess,  
putting out his fires per usual.

"I need him to like me."

Riza shook her head.  
 _Silly man._

"I'm sure he does like you, Sir."  
"It didn't seem that way," Roy argued.

He scratched Hayate behind his ears,  
and popped him another treat.

Riza scoffed, almost to stop him,  
but gave in, letting it slide.

"He's warming up to me, though,"  
Roy grinned at her.

Riza couldn't help but bite back a smile,  
yet, remarkably, she still appeared cold as ice,  
still as stone.

"He might like you more," she deadpanned,  
tapping the enormous stack of untouched,  
overdue packets on the corner of his desk.

"If you weren't the worst slacker in East City."

Roy froze just a little.  
He knew what that meant.

Riza was too quick for her own good.

She knew he was trying to distract her, beg for her forgiveness,  
grab those brownie points as soon of possible,  
after missing the past week of deadlines.

She also noticed, rather astutely, that the Colonel  
didn't seem to like being favored over a puppy.

"Seems I've been caught," he muttered,  
straightening in his chair, tossing Black Hayate  
one more biscuit before letting him roam free.

Riza snickered silently just a little  
and fetched new forms on her desk.  
The clerk's office was very upset indeed.

"Hayate is not the way to my heart, Colonel."

Roy raised his eyebrows.  
Her wording was quite revealing.  
Riza Hawkeye was wise to much more than she would even admit.

She loved Hayate so. But, it was outstandingly foolish  
to say he meant more to her than the Colonel.

How sappy.

Of course, Hayate didn't slack off in any capacity,  
while Roy Mustang slacked off in nearly every capacity.

Yes, Hayate was most likely  
still on the very top of her list.

At least, Riza decided to keep telling herself that.  
Roy, however, was not going down without a fight,

"Enlighten me then, Lieutenant," He said,  
watching her turn around back to him.

"What _is_ the way to your heart?"

Riza halted in her steps,  
locked dead on with his eyes.

Roy's voice, his tone, was far too sincere,  
too serious. He was _actually_ asking.

 _Foolish man._

He truly didn't know?

Roy still waited, patiently.  
Riza closed her jaw, which had inexplicably dropped just so  
then steeled with all the strength she could muster.

Roy was pulled from her whiskey eyes  
back down to reality,

and an enormous new stack of pure torture  
she had plopped onto his desk.

Revenge of the clerk's office.

 _What is the way to your heart?_

Roy didn't need to be told the way.  
He was already there.

 _Foolish, silly man._

Riza scrunched her nose,  
shrugged off how true it was.

 _What is the way to your heart?  
_  
"Paperwork, Sir."

She patted the fresh stack of paper,  
and smirked so softly.

Roy sighed, returning a small, weary smile,  
picked up a sheet off the top,  
and got to work.

"So be it."

* * *

 **That is one ridiculous title.** Everyone who thought this was grossly disgustingly sappy, say aye. Whatever. I need a nap. I still love my loves for they love each other. **review review,** i **crave attention**. or hit me up on tumblr **,** myrhymesarepurer ,and request a prompt of your own.


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